Palin Pardons a Turkey in the Name of “Peace and Harmony.” Let the Slaughter Begin!

20 11 2008

Yet again, my Governor, Sarah Palin has left me speechless. Today, in her home town of Wasilla, she decided to pardon a turkey. To my knowledge, this has not happened before, and I wonder if it might be the only thing left that made her feel “Presidential.”

That aside, she arrived at the turkey farm, with temperatures in the single digits in a short black skirt, and high heels. Then, she stood in the turkey shed, and read her statement.

Within the first 10 seconds I expected a lightning bolt to blow a hole in the roof of the turkey barn and strike her dead, leaving a little black pile of ashes with a pair of stylish glasses frames resting on top. Had I been there in person, they’d have seen me literally dive for cover.

I, Governor Sarah Palin, friend to all creatures great and small…”

(AAAAAAHHHHHH!   I run for it, and dive through the air landing behind a hay bale, face down, covering my head which is filled with horrific images of moose being field dressed, polar bears drowning, wolves being hunted down and shot from helicopters, beluga whales silently disappearing from the waters near my home…..but nothing.  No lightning.  Is anybody up there???  I spit a piece of hay off my tongue.  I look around cautiously.  It seems safe.  Surely, it can’t get any worse than this.)

do hereby deem this fowl creature worthy of pardon for the following reasons…..turkey was almost national bird, bla bla…turkey didn’t even have a trial…bla bla…”finally, whereas Alaska doesn’t even have the death penalty…”

Now, Sarah Palin actually advocates the death penalty, but I figured if the “friend to all creatures great and small” line didn’t get a lightning bolt, we were safe for now.

But the worst was yet to come.  As she took advantage of the media opportunity after the magnanimous pardon, business as usual was going on at the turkey farm.  And it was going on right behind Palin, and on camera.

The following video has had the most graphic parts blurred for the faint of heart. But still, be warned that sensitive individuals and children may wish to avoid this one.

Yes, that’s right.  Sarah Palin actually said the campaign trail was “pretty brutal” while some guy behind her was slitting the throat of a turkey and draining it in the cone of death, right in front of the cameras. Turkey #2 met its demise while the reporter asked what programs in the upcoming budget might be “on the chopping block.”

When asked why she came out to pardon the turkey, Palin responded, “For one, you need a little levity in this job,” and went on to say that it was nice to do something that wasn’t so “heavy-handed politics, that invites criticism. Certainly we’ll probably invite criticism for even doin’ this too.” A correct prediction from our Governor as she stood there on Channel 2 News, with a backdrop of blood-soaked snow and dying birds.

Before you believe that maybe Sarah Palin didn’t know about this, or was horrified when she realized sitting in front of the TV later that night what had happened, remember that when a photographer asked her if she wanted the turkey slaughter as a backdrop, the “friend to all creatures great and small” said, “No worries!”

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