Readers Who Purchased Sarah Palin’s Biography Might Also Like….WHAT?!

30 11 2008
Sarah for Sale
Sarah for Sale

Oh, those crazy conservatives at Human Events….they do make me laugh!  Most of the time they make me cringe, and occasionally they make me nauseous, but somehow they manage to toss me little crumbs that make it all worth while.  Today, I received my daily email from the dark side, and in it, the offer of “Sarah Palin’s New Book” for free!

Of course, the book isn’t by Sarah Palin as the subject line might imply.  And it isn’t new as the subject line might also imply.  This book has been around for at least a year, and I’ve seen it sitting in stacks on the book table at Costco. 

 I’ve even seen it for sale at Wal-Mike’s (left), an interesting little business with lots of “local color,” located on the Parks Highway about an hour north of Wasilla, where they were also selling a ‘Sarah Palin for Governor’ frisbee for $1500.  I didn’t bother to check how much they were charging for the book.  But, I digress…

 Back to the email:

Now, the major media is in full overdrive to smear and rewrite the accomplishments of this courageous young woman and rising Republican star.

But who is the real Sarah Palin?

She is more than a former beauty queen, conservative politician, family advocate, hockey mom with “lipstick” and moose-hunting NRA lifetime member.

She is a true reformer who took on the political and business establishment in Alaska and won.

And she may make history as the first female vice president of the United States.

(screechy brake noise)  She MAY make history as the first female vice president?  Yes, I received this email on November 30th, which means that Human Events doesn’t actually update, or proofread their emails before sending them.   It’s the “Just use that one again” strategy.

In Sarah, the first biography of Palin, author Kaylene Johnson draws upon personal interviews with Palin herself, her family, and closely placed sources to explore her private and public life. Sarah also includes 16 pages of Sarah Palin’s most personal photos!

(screechy brake noise) MOST personal photos?  Couldn’t we just have the regular personal photos?  What makes these the MOST personal??  I solemnly take a vow that the next time I am in Costco, I will take a big deep breath and look at Sarah Palin’s most personal photos, and report back.

In the meantime, those of you who do not have access to this amazing free book deal, can order your very own copy of Sarah at Amazon for a mere $15.95 in paperback.  AND, you know how Amazon has that thing where you can buy two related books, and get a special offer?  Here’s the deal you get with Sarah:

Buy Sarah: How a Hockey Mom Turned the Political Establishment Upside Down and get Terror Occulta at an additional 5% off Amazon.com’s everyday low price.   Buy Together Today: $25.86

HUH??  No, I am not making this upTerror Occulta….truly.  This is the book, of all books, that Amazon has chosen to pair with Sarah Palin’s Biography. Wow.

Here’s a brief description:

Product Description
In a classic tale of good and evil, in Terror Occulta, author Victor F. Paletta goes to an eerie and wicked place that is wholly unusual and utterly fascinating. His is a distant future where life on earth has taken a turn for the worst. An enemy that once hid from a more technologically advanced people turns the tide, and is now on a relentless hunt for humans.

Could this “distant future” be…(insert creepy organ chord here)….2012???

terror-occulta





Palin’s Audacity of Hype – Coming to a Bookstore Near You!

17 11 2008

Are you ready for the hard-bound copy of The Audacity of Hype?  Well, Sarah Palin may just oblige, at least, if the law allows.  Poised to rake in a cushy book deal of reportedly up to $7 million, Palin may have to weigh her options.  Alaska state law says that a sitting governor can only hold down one job.  So, “best-selling author” may be an illegal line on the resume…at least for the next two years of her term.

From TimesOnline:

She failed to save John McCainfrom presidential election doom, but Sarah Palin, the Republican senator’s controversial running mate, may yet emerge as the saviour of the American publishing industry. Literary agents are queueing up to sign her to a book deal that could earn her up to $7m.

With Barack Obama’s election victory certain to generate dozens of volumes from politicians, strategists and journalists – and with another shelfload of memoirs expected from members of President George W Bush’s administration – Palin’s personal account of her tumultuous introduction to national politics is widely regarded as the book most likely to repay a multi-million-dollar advance.

“She’s poised to make a ton of money,” said Howard Rubenstein, New York’s best-known public relations adviser.

[snip]

With publishers as nervous as everyone else about next year’s economic prospects, Palin’s popularity has become a boon. “Nobody is waiting for George W Bush’s memoirs,” one New York agent noted.

A provision of the Alaska Executive Branch Ethics Act restricts outside employment. It says: “The head of a principal executive department of the state may not accept employment for compensation outside the agency that the executive head serves.”  So, it sounds like Sarah Palin must continue to live the ascetic life of a state governor, and forego the lucrative, glittering life of a celebrated author and multi-millionaire.

Not so fast…

It would mean this, IF you assumed that Palin thought that the Alaska Executive Branch Ethics Act was actually binding.  If you will recall, the Alaska Executive Branch Ethics Act is that very same act that was referred to in the Branchflower Report of the Troopergate Investigation by the Alaska Legislature.

Let’s see…..yes, it’s still right here on my desk…under….this pile of papers… (thumbing through).  Ah.   Page 8, section II – Findings: (clears throat and uses ‘official sounding voice’)

Finding Number One – For the reasons explained in section IV of this report, I find that Governor Sarah Palin abused her power by violating Alaska Statute 39.52.110(a) of the Alaska Executive Branch Ethics Act.  Alaska Statute 39.52.110(a) provides

“The legilature reaffirms that each public officer holds ofice as a public trust, and any effort to benefit a personal or financial interest through official action is a violation of that trust”

(Closes giant 264-page report)  So, there you have it.  If she feels comfortable violating THATone, then a job-on-the-side book deal is cake!  It shouldn’t be long before you can pre-order on Amazon.  I’m guessing it’ll be out in time for her 2010 bid for the Senate, when Lisa Murkowski comes up for re-election.

There’s only one thing that would actually make me buy this book, and it’s not going to happen.  I would consider buying the book if, and only if, Palin wrote it herself.  Or better still, if she dictated it verbatim.  I’d put it on my “humor” shelf, and use it as a constant source of entertainment.

But I have a feeling that once an editor (God help the poor soul) got finished with it, and removed all the “also”s and “too though”s, and the rest of the Palinese word salad, and created actual sentences, with subjects and predicates, and got rid of the syntax mutilation, there wouldn’t be much left to say, or much left to be amusing.  And I can imagine shocked colleagues walking into said editor’s office on Monday morning to find him/her lying on the floor, still seated in the toppled chair, gripping a red pen, and muttering quiet little word bits at the ceiling, staring upward with unblinking eyes, gazing into the literary abyss…”must shore up..work together…solutions also…energy independence…don’tcha know…progress the country…”

More likely, since command of the language completely eludes her, there would be a ghost-writer involved somehow, and that would just be no fun at all.