Sarah, Hit the Dirt! It’s Safety Bear!

Alaska State Troopers' "Safety Bear"

As everyone gets to sift through the 263-page Troopergate report released by the Legislative Council last week, little tidbits about the Palins are emerging. Here’s one I had to share.

MR. MONEGAN: Well, Trooper Wooten, on light duty, had signed up for an overtime detail to work at the state fair in the costume of Safety Bear. And it’s a — it’s a costume, much like a mascot kind of thing. He was going to be escorted around, walk the fair grounds, but mostly around the area of the trooper recruiting booth, and meeting kids, talking to them, that kind of stuff. And so he wouldn’t have been recognizable inside a costume. But obviously the governor’s office was aware that he was going to be there, and they were — they did not want Wooten to be there.

MR. BRANCHFLOWER: And did you learn from Kris Perry, or anyone for that matter, how they knew that —

MR. MONEGAN: No. I —

MR. BRANCHFLOWER: — Trooper Wooten was going to be there?

MR. MONEGAN: I figured they had spies, honestly.

Sarah! Run for your life! It’s Safety Bear!!!

Can you iMAGine what might have happened if Sarah and Todd Palin’s spies hadn’t gotten wind of the Safety Bear plot?

(Women scream, State Fair goers scatter knocking down children with cotton candy and giant turkey legs, the table of giant vegetables is overturned, chickens and rabbits released from their cages run between the legs of stampeding parents trying to whisk their young children to safety, young lovers are stranded on the ferris wheel while fair workers abandon their rides and flee for the hills in abject terror!)

Every once in a while, something in this whole mess is so utterly absurd it makes me actually laugh until I cry. Last time it was the “Witch Hunter” (mopping eyes)….now, Safety Bear.

Advertisement