A Bedtime Story from the Alaska Division of Elections.

Tonight seems like a good night for a nice bedtime story…  (plumps pillow, tucks you in).  Comfy?  Let’s see….what shall our story be?  Maybe something light and amusing.  We’ve had a tough month.  Hmmm….(looks on shelf and selects an orange-colored paperback with a stapled binding).  Here we go.  State of Alaska 2008 Official Election Pamphlet, Region II:  Municipality of Anchorage, Matanuska-Susitna Borough, Whittier, Hope.  What’s that you say?  Sounds boring?  Well…parts of it, maybe.  How about I just skip to the good parts.  (You nod in approval and snuggle in)

OK…how about skipping to the Alaskan Independence Party candidates?  After all, our potential “Second Dude” was a registered member of the party until 2002, when he became “Unaffiliated.”  That might be fun.

Let’s see… (licks thumb and flips through pamphlet)… OK, here’s one –  Bob Bird.

Bob Bird is the AIP candidate for the U.S. Senate.  That means he’s running against Ted Stevens and Mark Begich.  He was the President of Alaska Right to Life from 1995-97 and is still on the board of directors. He likes hunting, fishing, sports broadcasting, and is a hockey coach…Wait a minute… Right to Life, Hunting, fishing, sports broadcasting, hockey coach?  This seems eerily familiar for some reason….(sudden mental image of Sarah Palin).. Oh dear, I didn’t know there was a scary part!….Let’s skip ahead. 

Here we go. Alaskan Independence Party candidate Daniel DeNardo is running for the House District 31 seat against a Republican incumbent. 

You can come out from under the covers, this one looks OK. He’s bypassed all the slots where the other candidates have place of birth, spouse’s name, children, education, and political/business experience. He’s replaced it with one long “Biography” section. Let’s have a peek.  (clears throat)

“I study the creation and impact of the Luciferian Marxist-Lenninist Dialectical Sovietism that is the most encompassing secular historical force controlling every incorporated political party; the world’s exchange systems based on perpetual indentured slavery through interest bearing irredeemable security obligations, i.e. federal reserve notes; Law Merchant advisory panels masquerading as “juries”; bar associations composed strictly of card-carrying Kommunist Komrade Kriminals acting in Alaska under the Alaska Supreme Soviet in conjunction with Soviet counterparts in NKVD through the Khabarovsk-Alaska Collectivization Project; and state sponsored Kriminal Globalism’s “perpetual War for perpetual peace.”

Quite a biography. I told you this would be good!  I’m guessing this guy can see the Soviet Union from his house!  But wait, there’s more…

CALL TO REVOLUTION

Alaska’s Divine Destiny – Holy-Writ Book Revelation repeatedly references Alaska Land of Great Eagle; Independent Republic leading Trinity’s force against Lucifer, Antichrist, Kommunist International.

Bar Association – Marxist-Lenninist Kriminals imposing Kommunist Korporate feudalistic perpetual Usury servitudes destroying Common Law Republic.  God-Man declared Satan attorneys’ father: Eternal Punishment, Insane for Alaskans to allow continued existence.

Yes, quite insane, wouldn’t you say?  Krazy, in fact.

There’s quite a bit more, but it’s getting late, and I think you get the idea.

Time for one more…  How about Republican candidate Lynda Placek running for House District 25 against Democratic incumbent, Mike Doogan?

POLITICAL AND GOVERNMENT POSITIONS:  Honesty and A Follower of Jesus in Every thing.  Whats right without Judgement, For the good of the People.  in all aspects

BUSINESS AND PROFESSIONAL POSITIONS:  Right to Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness.

STATEMENT:  [snip]  I believe that unemployment is to [sic] high here and Alaskans should be trained for Alaskan Jobs, even up North, on the big money Jobs.  I believe that Education is very important but so is Healthcare for everybody including our elderly (We all will get Old) I’m not sure what is the correct way; to get started getting these things accomplished, But I’m Ready to Rip into Action towards getting it done.  Stand by me on Election Day, as I stand by you.  Please vote for Lynda Placek.

I think Democratic incumbent Mike Doogan is sleeping pretty well these days, even without a bedtime story.  Well, there’s your little peek into the wonderful world of local politics in Alaska. (Tucks booklet back on shelf and clicks off the light)  Sweet dreams!

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McCain Endorses Obama’s Energy Plan – A Mathematical Proof.

Yes, I think I can prove this mathematically.  And it’s not that complicated.  Follow along.

If a = b, and b = c, then a = c.

No one is arguing right?  Next step.  Let’s define our variables.

a = John McCain said that “Sarah Palin knows more about energy than probably anyone else in the United States of America.”

b = Palin likes the Obama energy plan, as evidenced by the following press release in the news archives of the State of Alaska’s official website from August 4, 2008, mere weeks before Palin was tapped to be McCain’s running mate.

Palin Pleased with Obama’s Energy Plan
Includes Alaska’s Natural Gas Reserves
August 4, 2008, Fairbanks, Alaska – Governor Sarah Palin today responded to the energy plan put forward by the presumptive Democratic nominee for President, Illinois Senator Barack Obama.

“I am pleased to see Senator Obama acknowledge the huge potential Alaska’s natural gas reserves represent in terms of clean energy and sound jobs,” Governor Palin said. “The steps taken by the Alaska State Legislature this past week demonstrate that we are ready, willing and able to supply the energy our nation needs.”

In a speech given in Lansing, Michigan, Senator Obama called for the completion of the Alaska natural gas pipeline, stating, “Over the next five years, we should also lease more of the National Petroleum Reserve in Alaska for oil and gas production. And we should also tap more of our substantial natural gas reserves and work with the Canadian government to finally build the Alaska natural gas pipeline, delivering clean natural gas and creating good jobs in the process.”

Governor Palin also acknowledged the Senator’s proposal to offer $1,000 rebates to those struggling with the high cost of energy.

“We in Alaska feel that crunch and are taking steps to address it right here at home,” Governor Palin said. “This is a tool that must be on the table to buy us time until our long-term energy plans can be put into place. We have already enjoyed the support of Alaska Senator Ted Stevens, and it is gratifying to see Senator Obama get on board.”

c = Obama’s energy plan.

If McCain (a) chose Palin in part because of her knowledge on energy, and if Palin (b)  is on board with Obama’s energy plan, then McCain (a) must be on board with Obama’s (c) energy plan.

That was easy.  Next!

 

Bedtime in Alaska Open Thread – Brenda Returns!

Brenda the Moose

Brenda the moose paid another visit yesterday.  She didn’t seem interested in the swing set this time, but did have fun with an inflatable buoy.  She didn’t want to look at the camera, so I called out, “Hey Brenda!” and she turned to give me this picture.

Enjoy the Mudflatter Chatter!