Say it Ain’t So, Joe (the Plumber).

Barack Obama and Sam the Businessman

Last night at the debate, we were introduced to the new American Everyman – “Joe the Plumber”.  The Joe Sixpack meme wasn’t quite working out for the Republicans.  Somehow the image of a guy in a white t-shirt coming home after work, and sitting in the chair with a bag of Doritos, downinging multiple alcoholic beverages while watching the tube, actually didn’t resonate with most Americans.  Go figure.  Even people whom others would describe as “Joe Sixpack” didn’t want to identify themselves as “Joe Sixpack.”  Just not that flattering.

So, lo….a shiny new ‘Joe’ emerged from the Republican playbook.  He’s industrious, hard-working, and middle class, with an entrepreneurial spirit.  Joe the Plumber (aka Joe Wurzelbacher of Ohio)!  Any profession would have done, but the most important thing was that Joe was just like us.  Kind of like Sarah Palin with no hair.  Joe’s an independent voter, just trying to better himself, and move up in the world, not sure who he’s going to vote for, and worried about the pocketbook.  The future is uncertain for Joe.  He needs answers.  He went to Barack Obama.  And that’s when it all hit the fan.  

McCain tells us at the debate, while practically giddy with ‘gotcha’, that poor Joe found out that he will have his taxes raised in an Obama administration, which will prevent him from buying the business he works for, and thus in one fell swoop, Obama dashed his American dream on the rocks.  McCain on the other hand, will save the plumber who makes more than $250,000 a year, by cutting his taxes.

Joe the Plumber was mentioned by both candidates  no less than 20 times during the debate.  This was the theme.  If you got Joe’s vote….you got the nation.

So, just who is the REAL Joe the Plumber?

• His name is not Joe….it’s Samuel.
• He is not a plumber…at least he doesn’t have a license
• He does NOT like paying taxes.  In fact he dislikes it so much…he doesn’t.
• He is not undecided, as evidenced by multiple interviews in which he happily regurgitates McCain talking points like a Republican papa bird feeding the gaping yaws of its conservative young.
• He makes less than $250,000 a year and would therefore benefit from an Obama tax plan.  Although he said that when he asked Obama about taxes, he tapdanced around the issue “almost as good as Sammy Davis Jr.”  *cringe*

What do the unions have to say about the faux plumber?

• Tim Burga of the AFL-CIO says, “You can quote me as saying, ‘Joe is not a plumber he’s a businessman.  If we don’t elect Barack Obama, the plumbing business and working families dreams will go down the drain.'”  And yes, the United Association of Plumbers and Pipefitters has already endorsed Barack Obama. 

And what about the other Joe?  You know, “Joe the next VP”.

“John [McCain] continues to cling to the notion of this guy Joe the Plumber,” Mr. Biden said on NBC’s Today show. “I don’t have any Joe the plumbers in my neighbourhood that make $250,000 a year. The Joe the plumbers in my neighbourhood, the Joe the cops in my neighbourhood, the Joe the grocery store owners in my neighborhood, they make, like 98 per cent of the small businesses, less than $250,000 a year.”

And the final coup de grace, as if we needed one, is that Samuel Joseph Wurzelbacher’s name is misspelled on his voter registration.  So, I’m assuming that this horrible case of potential voter fraud means that the Republicans will see to it that he’ll be challenged at the polls on election day, right?  Riiiight.

UPDATE – CHAPTER TWO. BIZARRE COINCIDENCES

• Joe’s father Robert Wurzelbacher has the same name as the son-in-law of Charles Keating.
• Joe apparently used to live in North Pole, Alaska, just outside of Fairbanks.  His son, seen standing next to him as he talked taxes with Barack Obama was born in North Pole.  Joe made it down the stairs just in time to see his son delivered on the wood floor of their home…  as reported in The Anchorage Daily News.  I think I’ve had enough of Alaska in the news….can we stop now??

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