As much as I enjoy hearing words like “embattled” when they precede the name Don Young, I’m finding myself a little conflicted. I want him to be embattled, but not too embattled. Here’s why. Recent Hays Research Group polls have Don Young (whose legal bills recently topped the $1 million dollar mark, despite the fact he hasn’t even been indicted yet) trailing his likely Democratic opponent Ethan Berkowitz. Now before you get too excited about this, those same polls have him in a statistical tie with his fellow Republican opponent in the primary, Sean Parnell.
A sticky situation… Yes, Sean Parnell would be a giant step above Don Young, Alaska’s most embarrassing politician, but after what seems like an eternity of Don Young politics, I want MORE. Parnell would be more difficult for Berkowitz to beat in the general election, but a Berkowitz vs. Young matchup would be a bloodbath.
So, what to do? First some background, in case you’ve been living in a remote cabin for the last few months. Some time ago, Rush Limbaugh declared “Operation Chaos” and his dittoheads dutifully showed up en masse to vote in the Democratic primary for Clinton, believing she will be easier to beat than Obama in a general election. Devious, and potentially effective in a close race.
So, backatcha. The gloves are off. Here’s the 3-step plan, if you can stomach it.
On primary day:
- Take a big swig of Mylanta, Pepto Bismol, or whiskey. Your choice.
- Vote for Don Young.
- Take another big swig of Mylanta, Pepto Bismol, or whiskey. Your choice.
Then when he wins, giggle with delight, and vote for his Democratic opponent in November.
Now, there is a little snag here. You cannot vote in the Republican primary if you are a registered Democrat or Green. However, if you are a registered Republican, Independent, Non-partisan, Libertarian or Republican Moderate, then the game is on. Devious, and potentially effective in a close race.