Remember as a kid when you used to guess which superhero could take the other one in a fight? Spiderman vs. Aquaman, Batman vs. The Lone Ranger, Underdog vs. Quick Draw McGraw…. The possibilities were varied, and dominated much schoolyard conversation between 2nd and 6th grade. The latest Don Young rediculousness makes me wonder…who would win if the A-Team took on the Wolfpack in a superlobbyist fight? But then I realized that the nine lobbyists on the ‘A-Team’ were actually also IN the 29-lobbyist ‘Wolf Pack’. So if you are on the A-Team, you are also in the Wolfpack, but Wolfpack membership doesn’t necessarily mean you’re on the A-Team. So to have this hypothetical showdown, the A-Team would have to defect FROM the Wolfpack, which could complicate things. But still, it could be done. After defection, the A-Team would still be outnumbered about 2 to 1, but they’re some heavy hitters with extra lobbyist superpowers… I’m thinking it would be a close fight.
But of course, the greater issue here is that a 75-year old congressional representative, the one and only “Congressman for all Alaska” thinks it’s cool running around making up stupid names for his lobbyist buddies because….what….he’s frozen in time as a 12-year old? What’s next, a handwritten sign on his office door that says “No Democrats Allowed”? A secret Corrupt Bastards handshake? A big Republican Treehouse in Washington?
Ooooo. Maybe the Wolf Pack and the A-Team could reunite, and ambush John McCain’s “Truth Squad” on the “Straight Talk Express”! They’d never see it coming. A nickel says they could take ‘em! Are you in? (spits on palm) Shake.
As we contemplate the new American “Bad Guy” (the lobbyist), in all its incarnations, enjoy this awesome offering from the satirical mastersite – The Onion. You won’t know whether to laugh or cry, so do both.
And a note to Berkowitz, Benson, Begich and the rest of the Democratic lineup. Please no ‘teams’, ‘packs’, or ‘squads’ – we’re all adults here.